Just when I thought life could not get any weirder...it does.
I was diagnosed as Neurodivergent.
Wait...how did that happen?!
I've mentioned it a few times. I used neurodivergent instead of autism because I was unsure. I never wanted an excuse, but an explanation for how I thought. I felt like this was the only thing that defined my weirdness and acceptance of all things in left field.
When you have someone who is in your corner and believes you, anything can happen.
Brian and I always wondered about Calvin's autism. We knew that a great uncle of Brian's was autistic. There was mention of something else. Then, someone my father said before he died and a simple internet meme changed that view.
Before he passed, my father told me something he vaguely remembered. My mother used to jump and wave her hands, like Calvin. He mentioned to her how cute it was and she stopped doing it. She never did it again through their years of abuse, kids, and drugs.
The internet meme? Well, I am sure that Big Brother has got enough tracking on me to know that I am a special needs mom and throws me special needs memes and websites. Something caught my attention. It simply said, "You know, autism is genetic."
GENETIC!
Like, holy shit, if my son was mid/high functioning, then someone closer than a 2x great uncle could have passed it. We had another theory until I started researching adults with autism. The list of symptoms was familiar to me. Then, there was more digging. TikTok videos. YouTube surfing. Reading books. Connecting with other women diagnosed as adults.
Then, some piece of my life became clearer.
The bullying from my peers and the inability to retain friendships. The petulance in doing my work and the punishments that made me fear. Clothes that made me uncomfortable and the vocalness I had about it. Repeating songs I love nonstop for days. The want to fidget on every occasion I needed to sit still and be quiet. No, I do not do well in churches.
That little girl never knew safety. She always sought for attention and approval. That way, she would somehow get a shred of the love she craved. I wish I could have told her that she was perfect the way she was...and that the future was better than she realized, even for her uniqueness.
Namaste, everyone! Have a great day!
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